(theme music playing)
(cheering, applause)
Welcome, welcome, welcome to "Last Week Tonight."
I'm John Oliver. Thank you for being with us.
Just time for a quick recap of the week,
and we begin in Israel...
drama-wise, the opposite of Canada.
Now, Israel had their election this week.
And despite being behind in the polls,
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's Likud Party won resoundingly,
which some credit to Netanyahu's last-minute swing
to the even farther right.
The prime minister, Netanyahu, yesterday said on his watch,
there's not gonna be a Palestine.
There's not gonna be a two-state solution.
Wow. Okay.
So no two-state solution then.
But hold on, let's not jump to conclusions.
Maybe he only said that because he's planning on a three-state solution,
Israel, Palestine, and Bonus Palestine.
We don't know. We don't know for sure.
Look, let's accept that, in part due to that promise,
Netanyahu looks like he's here to stay.
The problem that he now has is
how is he going to convince the US
that he is a credible partner for negotiation,
given that he explicitly said
he would not allow a two-state solution,
but only a one-state solution.
I don't want a one-state solution.
I want a sustainable, peaceful, two-state solution,
but for that, circumstances have to change.
Now that's pretty impressive,
because that is a Michael Jackson level of walking backwards.
He just demonstrated the verbal gymnastics
of a guy caught being too honest on his first date.
I don't want kids. Wait, hold on, you want kids?
I love kids!
And in the right circumstances, I could absolutely see myself having them.
I never said I don't want kids.
This is why what Netanyahu just said is so amazing;
he was trying to escape something that he'd said
that had left him almost no wiggle room.
Man: Asked if that meant there would be no Palestinian state
if he were to continue as prime minister,
Netanyahu responded, "Correct."
How do you get out of that?
It's impossible.
I've got to say, if he somehow escapes this,
he should go on the road as Netanyahoudini.
Words cannot hold him.
Let's move on to Starbucks,
the acoustic Alanis Morissette album with a coffeehouse wrapped around it.
This week, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz
unveiled a bold new initiative to his employees.
What if we were to write "race together" on every Starbucks cup,
and that facilitated a conversation between you and our customers?
And if a customer asks you what this is,
try and engage in a discussion,
that we have problems in this country with regard to race
and racial inequality.
I think it's pretty clear
no one has said no to this guy in 25 years.
Look, here's the thing.
A conversation about race
is clearly important, but there's a time and a place,
and it is not the length of time it takes to whip up a Tiramisu Frappuccino.
But still, let's give Howard Schultz credit.
He did start a conversation across the racial divide
with a white billionaire pitching an idea
and any number of African-American customers
telling him how stupid it was.
"Not sure what Starbucks was thinking."
(reading text)
I'm not sure that systemic change is gonna happen
by talking to your barista at Starbucks.
He's right about that.
Because, think about it. Best case scenario,
you get a heartfelt conversation about race going,
only to have it justifiably interrupted
by someone screaming,
"Can we solve racism later? I'm late for fucking work!"
And the problems didn't stop there,
because Starbucks wound up having some conversations about race
that it probably hadn't anticipated.
Woman: Some critics say the company's executive team lacks diversity.
Many people put up a link to the company's website,
actually featuring pictures of mostly white, mostly male leadership.
Man: The "race together" campaign is taking a lot of flak online,
with many people bashing the company on Twitter,
including some questioning why Starbucks promotional photos
only included white hands.
Hey, how's that conversation on race going, Starbucks?
Lots of fun, right?
What if this could be every morning?
But-- but it was what happened as a result of that backlash
that shows you just how unprepared Starbucks really was for this conversation.
Man: Starbucks' own VP of Communications
temporarily deleting his Twitter account
under an avalanche of criticism,
saying he, "felt personally attacked in a cascade of negativity."
Okay, end of conversation I guess, everyone.
Good talk. Good talk, people.
Nice try, Starbucks.
I guess now at least, you can go back to doing what you do best,
burning coffee and glaring at us for using your bathrooms without buying anything.
Just stay in your lane.
And finally, tonight, New Hampshire,
where "Live Free or Die" is a legitimately difficult choice.
It has always held a special place in American politics,
and earlier this month some local fourth-graders
visited the state capital to learn how government worked.
Man: As part of a civics project,
a group of fourth-graders, including nine-year-old Maya Rocca,
crafted a bill to make the red-tailed hawk the official state raptor.
Man #2: Mr. Cutting's fourth grade class arrived in the House gallery
to watch their bill come up for a vote.
They were greeted by enthusiastic applause.
Well, that's fantastic.
What a great opportunity for the kids to engage in the political process
and be inspired.
I can only presume that their state raptor bill sailed right through.
We already have a state bird. But now do we need a state raptor?
Isn't that a bird?
Isn't that an animal?
So are we gonna have, you know, flightless birds, water fowl,
pet birds, garden birds, wild birds...
How many of these bills do we need to have?
If we keep bringing more of these bills, and bills, and bills forward,
that really, I feel, we shouldn't have in front of us,
we'll be picking a state hot dog next.
What is wrong with you?
A, this doesn't matter.
B, the children are in the room.
And C, this doesn't matter.
Just vote yes and make them happy.
Sadly, the story didn't end there,
because State Representative Warren Groen
also decided it was appropriate to use the red-tailed hawk
to make a completely unnecessary point.
It's known for it's extremely strong and sharp talons,
with which it grasps its prey.
But it grasps them with its talons
and then uses its razor-sharp beak
to rip its victim to shreds,
and to basically tear it apart limb by limb.
And I guess the shame about making this a state bird is
it would serve as a much better mascot for Planned Parenthood.
What the fuck are you talking about?
For a start-- For a start,
everyone knows Planned Parenthood
already has a mascot.
It's Plan B, the Planned Parenthood bee.
Hey, guys. Did you hear the buzz on spermicidal lubricant?
No. Thank you, Plan B.
You're the best.
And this wasn't just a few cranks.
The legislature actually defeated the children's bill
133 to 160.
And, presumably, then celebrated by looking up at the kids and saying,
"Nice try, idiots.
"By the way, Santa's not real and Dora the Explorer can't hear you."
Now, this must have been devastating for the kids.
But, if their stupid state government **
will not properly honor the red-tailed hawk,
then we will.
And that is why I am proud to announce
the red-tailed hawk is the new official raptor (hawk screeches)
of "Last Week Tonight."
In fact, here it is.
A real, live predatory hawk in a television studio.
And to show just how wrong
New Hampshire legislators were to deny those fourth-graders
from Lincoln Akerman School their red-tailed hawk request,
we've prepared this.
**
(screeches)
Announcer: The official raptors of "Last Week Tonight."
Why? Because they effin' rock!
They'll take out a rattlesnake.
Chill on a basketball hoop.
Then they'll feed their babies.
But wait! That's not all!
They'll grab a pheasant while doing a mid-air 360.
Let's watch that again!
**
But don't just take it from us.
Here's some red-tailed hawk facts from a guy in the '90s.
Red-tailed hawks, found all over North America,
probably the most common bird of prey in the US.
Announcer: This guy's incredible!
Give me more hawk facts, man.
Most of the books estimate their grasping strength
is about 200 pounds per square inch of pressure.
Announcer: One more hawk fact!
The stooping speed for the red-tail here is about 100 to 120 miles an hour.
That's enough hawk facts.
And all this is why the red-tailed hawk
is "Last Week Tonight's" official raptor!
Raptor scream! (screech)
Congratulations, fourth-graders!
Red hawks are awesome!
And now, this.
Announcer: And now...
(reading text)
(Irish accent) Top o' the mornin' to you there, Patrice.
How you doin' there? Top o' the mornin' to ya.
Top o' the mornin' to ya!
Top o' the mornin' to ya, Kenny.
Top o' the mornin' to ya!
And top o' the mornin' to ya!
(bagpipes playing)
(Irish accent) Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Man: Ah, it's St. Patrick's Day today.
Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody!
(bagpipes continue)
Wee bit of a parade, there. Wee bit.
Man: Getting their makeup on. They have their beautiful outfits ready.
I can't do an Irish accent.
(bad accent) Hello, lassie!
(bagpipes continue)
What are you talking about, Brad?
Yes, you sound Jamaican.
What? We're-- I sound Jamaican?
Moving on.
Our main story tonight concerns municipal violations.
They're the small everyday ways of breaking the law,
like speeding or trespassing,
or, and this is true,
failing to vaccinate your ferret.
That is actually against the law.
So, sorry, ferret Jenny McCarthy,
you're just gonna have to get it done.
The point is,
we have all committed municipal violations.
And if you've never gotten a ticket for one, all I can say is,
congratulations on not getting caught.
Now, for most people, tickets are just annoying.
We grin and bear them, or, as in the case of this young woman,
throw a passive-aggressive tantrum.
Citation is for--
I know, my headlights weren't on. Yada, yada, yada.
Yes, you're right.
The citation's for not having your headlights on.
Take care of this ticket on or before the third--
Oh, hold on. Let me explain it, okay? I have--
Like, I totally get it.
Like, it's a ticket. I need to pay it. I'm late.
You just know that woman behaves that way in every situation.
Yeah, I totally get it. It's a funeral.
Mindy was a person. Now she's gonna be, like, eaten by worms.
Just put her in the ground so I can get to SoulCycle. I'm late.
(scoffs)
Now...
Now she's probably not thought about that ticket
until, I'm guessing,
round about now,
when she's getting a lot of text messages from friends saying,
"Amber, you're totally on HBO right now
"shouting at a cop."
But if you don't have enough money
to pay a fine immediately, tickets can wreck your life.
Let me introduce you to a woman named Harriet Cleveland.
She had some low-level traffic tickets,
but because she's couldn't pay them straightaway,
she accumulated all kinds of other fees and additional tickets,
which, despite her best efforts,
she was unable to pay off.
And then, one morning, this happened.
I had my grandbaby with me, and I was sitting up, giving him breakfast that morning,
and I heard a knock on the door.
And I seen a police officer at my door.
And in the back of my mind, it wasn't for me,
because I didn't figure they'd come get you for tickets.
I was escorted to jail.
And if you're thinking, "How the fuck is it possible for a grandmother to go to jail
"for traffic tickets,"
well, that is what this story is about.
Because let's start at the beginning.
Most tickets come with a fine,
and if you've ever lived paycheck to paycheck,
you know that can be difficult.
For example, in DeKalb County, Alabama,
a speeding ticket is $255.50.
If you earn minimum wage there, $7.25 an hour,
it would take you more than 35 hours of work to pay that off,
which seems harsh,
because the only justifiable way you should lose an entire week of your life due to speeding
is if you hit 88 miles an hour and go back in time.
And sometimes, governments will take a reasonable base fine
and turn it into something that people may not be able to afford,
as they've done in California.
Man: The actual fine for running a stop sign is $35,
but by the time the state tacks on ten different surcharges and fees
the amount you owe jumps to $238.
Now, just to put that in perspective,
I went on eBay this morning,
and $238 is the current asking price
for this glorious unicorn with wheels on its hooves.
So that's right. If you live in California and run a stop sign,
you can either pay your ticket
or own a unicorn.
Now, courts know that not everyone can pay fines straightaway,
which is why some allow a payment plan.
Unfortunately, that can turn out to be even more expensive.
Man: In Illinois, the state adds on 30%
if you fall behind in your payments.
In New Orleans, it costs you $100 just to sign up for a payment plan.
Yes, your payment plan begins
with a payment plan payment.
It's like your probation officer is M.C. Escher.
Just go pay the clerk at the top of that endless staircase.
You'll be fine.
And this situation is widespread.
At least 44 states charge people a fee to be on probation,
and many municipalities use these charges
as a way to fund local services without raising taxes.
And if that rings a bell at all to you,
it may be because of Ferguson, Missouri.
Because when the recent Department of Justice report
uncovered institutional racism,
it found one of the ways it manifested
was in the use of fines as a cash machine.
Man: The report says officers competed to see who could write the most tickets.
It also concludes police officer's promotions
depended on citation revenue.
Then there's the story of a police commander who one day bragged
to his superiors about seeing a steady stream of people,
10 to 15 deep, waiting in line for hours to pay traffic fines.
He wrote, "The court clerk girls have been swamped."
And the city manager responded, "Great work."
Okay, setting aside the fact that he used the phrase
"court clerk girls,"
that situation is ridiculous.
The only people who should be that excited about people waiting in line
to hand over way too much money
are Apple executives.
That's the only time.
And if you couldn't pay immediately in Ferguson,
they could bleed you dry.
Listen to just one example.
In 2007,
one woman received two parking tickets
that together totaled $152.
To date, she has paid $550 in fines and fees
to the city of Ferguson.
Yet today, she still inexplicably owes Ferguson
$541.
That's more than $1,000
for $150 in tickets.
Even people stocking hotel mini-bars are thinking,
"That markup seems a little high.
"Just settle down."
And the thing is, using fines to fund government
was not happening just in Ferguson,
as a recent study of the surrounding area showed.
Woman: According to court records,
eight towns rely on court fines and fees
for more than 30% of their revenue.
Calverton Park is at the 66% level.
66%!
When that much of your budget comes from fines,
you're actually rooting for people to break the law.
Listen, everyone, we're gonna have to close the library
unless someone urinates up that wall
and the rest of us start driving like maniacs.
So put the pedal to the metal. Let's do it for the kids.
And the problem is, in these situations the poor get hurt the worst.
In many states, failure to pay a fine on time
can even result in having your driving license suspended.
In fact, this is such a common practice
that in Orange County, Florida,
they even made an event out of it.
Woman: The Grinch himself showed up in Orange County
with a bag full of licenses belonging to drivers
who've been more naughty than nice.
We're sending the message that if you're gonna come out here and you're gonna drive
in a manner that affects somebody else's life or safety
that we're gonna impact your life.
Okay. Okay.
First of all, you do know the Grinch
is the bad guy in that story, right?
It's not about a brave green crime-fighter
who saves Whoville from a guy driving his sleigh 10 miles over the speed limit.
But-- But secondly, the Grinch's argument that this
was all about affecting people's lives and safety
was somewhat undercut a little later in the same report.
Many of these licenses were suspended
simply because the drivers didn't pay a traffic ticket.
Exactly.
Those licenses weren't all taken from reckless drivers.
The odds are they were mostly taken from insolvent drivers.
In 2012 in Florida, a staggering 88% of all license suspensions
were due to failure to comply with summons or fines,
which is insane.
It also leaves only 12%
for Florida's other most common violations,
accidentally taking your golf cart on the freeway,
feeding meth to an alligator,
feeding an alligator to a meth dealer,
and being an alligator meth dealer.
Florida.
The problem is-- The problem is...
if you do lose your license,
it can affect everything.
Most Americans drive to work,
and if you can't do that, you've got a problem.
In New Jersey, a survey of low-income drivers
who'd had their license suspended
found that 64% had lost their jobs as a result,
which doesn't help anyone.
You need them to pay their fine,
but you're taking away their means of paying it.
That's the most self-defeating idea since gay conversion camp.
Hey, don't worry, boys. We'll fix you.
It's swimming the morning, wrestling in the afternoon,
and in the evening, general horseplay in the woods.
You'll be fine.
You'll be fine, chaps.
So, let's recap.
If you get a ticket and you can't pay it,
you may get additional fines,
lose your license, and eventually your job.
And if you're thinking, "Is there any way this whole situation
"can be made even worse?"
Relax. There is.
Because now, private companies
have somehow managed to insert themselves.
Man: Private probation companies across the US
supervise people who are on probation for minor offenses,
collect all of their outstanding debts and fines and court costs,
and they won't charge the courts a penny.
Instead, probationers pay them fees in exchange for their services.
Yes, companies like Judicial Correction Services
and Sentinel Offender Services offer to supervise probationers
and collect fees on the court's behalf at no cost.
They even market themselves with ads like this one for JCS,
trumpeting the millions of dollars they collect
for municipalities.
The problem is that money is a lot like Wendy's chili.
It's fantastic to have,
just as long as you don't think about where it came from,
because it can come from people like Hali Woods.
August of last year,
I got a no-seatbelt ticket.
How much was that ticket for?
It was...
The ticket struck-- was $25 and court costs was $16, which was $41,
and then I had-- I didn't have the money to pay,
so they put me on JCS probation.
That's right, Hali was handed over to JCS probation
because she couldn't pay a $41 ticket.
They put her on a payment plan
with a monthly fee of $35.
The problem for Hali was any money she sent in
was applied to her JCS fees first,
and not her $41 ticket,
which put her in a hamster wheel of hell.
This one right here shows I paid another $10.
Shows that the fees went down,
but the fine is still $41.
I've told the judge that I have the money to pay for the ticket,
and I couldn't afford the rest of the fees,
and he said that that wasn't his problem,
that I could just put that $41 towards the probation.
And then I got another one that shows I paid $41 even.
And the fine has not been touched--
not one time, all the money I've paid.
Wow. So if you have money,
the state slogan is "Click it or ticket."
But if you don't, it should really be,
"Buckle yourself or go fuckle yourself."
And in case-- In case you are somehow
not angry enough by now,
just remember how this system works if you do have money.
I know, my headlights weren't on. Yada, yada, yada.
Let me explain it, okay? I have--
Like, I totally get it.
Like, it's a ticket. I need to pay it. I'm late.
You didn't think it was possible
to dislike her any more, did you?
Amber, you're back on TV. This is sick!
And it's not just that these private probation companies can take your money.
They're recommendations to the court can ultimately send you to jail.
Take the case of Tom Barrett.
He's a veteran who stole a $2 can of beer,
which he knows he should not have done,
and when he couldn't pay his fine,
he was referred to Sentinel Offender Services.
Now in addition to all their other fees,
they gave Tom a court-ordered leg monitor
for which they charged him $360 a month.
$12 a day.
To keep up on his payments, he had to start selling his own plasma.
And where do you think this story ended?
I ended up having to walk everywhere because I didn't--
I couldn't afford bus fare.
I went hungry because I couldn't afford food.
It was $12 a day, and there was no way I could make $12 a day.
So I was always falling behind.
So I ended up getting locked up three times
over stealing this can of beer.
Locked up three times over stealing one can of beer.
That is not justice. That is the plot of a Southern "Les Misérables."
* I dreamed a dream I stole a Coors *
* And then some assholes put me *
* In jail
The crazy thing is--
The most insane part of this is...
the main reason municipalities sign contracts
with these companies is to save money,
and yet, this whole system doesn't even make sense on a financial basis.
Because, as Tom Barrett's lawyer explains,
locking him up was expensive.
I know the jailing cost $50 for day,
and I think he was probably in jail
for at least 60 days or 70 days,
so probably over $3,500.
So just think about that.
A $2 can of beer
caused a $270 fine,
which the city spent over $3,000 to try and enforce.
But you know what? It's like they say,
"You gotta spend money to make money,
"to be able to afford to jail people to lose money."
That's the system, right?
And all this brings us right back to where we began
with Harriet Cleveland,
because her story touches on pretty much everything we've seen so far.
How did Harriet wind up in jail?
Well, she struggled to pay traffic tickets,
had her license suspended,
had to keep driving or she'd lose her job,
was then caught driving without a license,
ticketed again,
and then had her fines handed over to the good people at JCS.
And I'll let her pick up the story from there.
I just really lost a whole lot of money paying to them
that didn't go into my fine.
I lost my car trying to pay them.
I did a title loan on my car.
I lost that, and...
trying to pay my utility bills, you know, and they getting shut off, here and there.
(sobs)
I wanted to pay my fine...
but I couldn't afford it.
And like I said, it just hurt real hard,
and I didn't even have that tape, but I had to take something.
Till it got to the point I just got tired,
and I couldn't take anything anymore.
I paid them $2,000 one time,
when I got my income tax.
And that was in February,
and in March I just didn't have anything else to give them.
That is awful.
Now, the Southern Poverty Law Center eventually managed to get her out of jail
after 10 days,
arguing that she'd been sent to what was effectively a debtors prison,
something that was supposed to have been fucking outlawed in America in the 1830s.
But the truth is,
whether through private probation or just the states,
many people are being caught in the same cycle as all the people that we've seen.
And let's be clear; no one is saying that people who break the law
should not be punished. This is not about being soft on crime.
Listen to Tom Barrett's self-proclaimed conservative, Republican lawyer.
If someone violates the rules of society,
they need to be punished,
but the punishment need to have some--
if it's gonna be based on a fine,
it has to be based on the person's ability to pay.
They don't have the ability to pay,
they can pick up trash on the streets,
or they can have some community service.
I think pretty much everyone would agree with that.
Not only should municipalities not be balancing their books
on the backs of some of their most vulnerable citizens,
but we cannot have a system
where committing a minor violation
can end up putting you in,
and I'm going to use a legal term of art here,
the fuck barrel.
We can't have that.
And it might be time that we all stood up and said so.
I'm a hostess.
I'm a barista.
I'm a cashier.
I'm a utility inspector.
I am a hairstylist.
I'm a janitor and a cook.
Announcer: We're all Americans,
and we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But sometimes in that pursuit,
we also need the right to fuck up once in a while
without it completely destroying our lives.
I've jaywalked before. All the time, actually.
I have gotten a speeding ticket.
Yeah, I mean, I've publicly urinated maybe once or twice.
Public drunkenness.
Of course your boy been drunk in public, baby.
I've gotten tickets for spitting on the floor.
I got a ticket for petty loitering.
I got arrested for smoking weed at a concert,
and then I met Gza from Wu-Tang,
and he gave me a VIP pass back into the concert.
So, thank you, Gza.
Yes, thank you, Gza.
And when we've truly made a mistake,
we're all willing to pay a price,
but that price should be reasonable,
and private companies should not be profiting
from someone's inability to pay.
One time, I put a popsicle in my friend's ass.
Okay, that doesn't really apply to what we're talking about here,
but thanks for sharing.
The point is, this is everyone's problem.
Young, old, black, white,
it's not about race.
It's definitely about race.
Race definitely plays-- plays into it, for sure.
I highly doubt that loitering thing I got
would have happened to me if I was...
forget about me being white,
if I was like a couple of shades lighter.
Okay, you're right. It's absolutely about race as well,
but it's also about basic fairness.
And it has to stop,
because people cannot end up in the fuck barrel
for the little stuff we all do.
So it's time for us all to come together
and say, as one--
Shut down the fuck barrel.
I said shut down the fuck barrel.
Shut down the fuck barrel, please.
Yes, shut down the fuck barrel.
Shut it down.
That's our show. Thank you so much.
We're off next week, so we'll see you in two weeks.
Good night!
**